


heart of light

by VolunteerFieryDantooinian



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Brush with the Dark Side, Drabble, Force Sensitive Sabine Wren, Gen, Im sorry folks, Symbolism, emotional breakdown, past emotional abuse, possibly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 05:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11571354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VolunteerFieryDantooinian/pseuds/VolunteerFieryDantooinian
Summary: Sabine Wren, as you know, when faced with betrayal at the age of 14, didn't fight it, and serendipitously was taken in by everyone's favorite ragtag found-family space crew.Sabine Wren, when faced with betrayal at the age of 19, took names and kicked ass singlehandedly because no one, NO ONE could psychoanalyze her and get away with it.title from T.S Eliot's "The Wasteland"





	heart of light

**Author's Note:**

> Yall know me, how I usually say "hurt without comfort is inconceivable for me lol"  
> Well yoU SEE ONCE I GET AN IDEA I CANT DROP IT.  
> So this is an exception to that.  
> (For now.)

Sabine woke up hanging from the ceiling, which wasn't something she usually expected, but she rolled with it anyways. She also had no memory of how she got there, but the intense ache pounding through her head gave her a pretty good idea.

She took in a deep breath, taking in her surroundings first. Her darksaber was still clipped to her belt for some reason she wasn't about to question, and the metal cuffs chafed painfully against her wrists. The room she was in looked imperial, cold and threatening. There were no torture instruments anywhere, which was a good sign. Probably. Sabine looked up at the chains around her wrists. There didn't seem to be anything particularly remarkable about them. That wasn't a good sign.

Suddenly, everything came rushing back, and she sighed heavily, closing her eyes. Her own damned mother had insisted they talk, and if the way she felt was any indication, she had likely been drugged. She remembered the last thing she'd said to her mother.

 _"You have to want something, otherwise you wouldn't have told me you loved me._ " 

She'd been right, but not in the way she expected. Instead of getting a lecture on how she had to be a  _proper heir,_  on how she needed to get a boyfriend or some shit, she got captured. Sabine chuckled. That was an upside. This she could deal with. Torture and threats were much easier to handle than emotional manipulation and personal attacks.

She stopped remembering, and looked at her feet, remembering the task at hand. Oddly, they were unbound. This was- wait. #1 rule of the Rebellion: don't jinx yourself.

"Enjoying yourself, Miss Wren?" 

a familiar voice sent pure panic rolling through her. 

 _That_ was why this seemed so easy. Thrawn was involved.

"Oh, absolutely. I've already figured out 5 ways I can break these cuffs and kick your ass."

The alien traipsed in slowly, red eyes glittering with amusement as he paced. 

"Considering your solution is  _just_ out of reach, that little sword of yours, or your blasters? I wouldn't be so confident." He purred. Force, that was creepy. "So, I hear you're an art lover. Did you choose your medium because it was interesting, or because you were trying to be rebellious?" 

Sabine froze, not letting her surprise show on her face. Not at his question, but at the fact he didn't realize she had a lightsaber. Or he wasn't letting on that he knew.

"If we're going to be honest here, and I know you'd prefer that, I'd say both." She admitted. He smirked.

"Yes. You managed to figure out your mother brought you here, correct? Does she have anything to do with that choice?" He furthered. Sabine didn't answer, settling for looking at her shackled wrists. Thrawn smirked.

"I know everything about you, Sabine Wren." He said, meeting her eyes with a terrifyingly smug gaze. "When you were 14, you and your  _friend_ escaped from the imperial academy. It didn't take long for her to betray you for Black Sun, and you soon joined onto your little team."

She exhaled. That wasn't exactly shocking news, but she wasn't sure that was all he knew. It seemed like he wasn't letting something on.

"And?" Sabine prodded, and he smirked again with eerily white teeth.

" _And_ I also know that you've been the subject of emotional abuse and insults from your mother for a very, very long time. about.. Ten years now, correct? When your father... Left." He trailed off. "She's always been ashamed that you weren't what she saw as a proper heir, but instead of making your brother the heir, she made you her little project. That's why she sent you away."

Sabine winced, remembering.

Her coming out at 12 had been the final nail in the coffin for her, and that was when she had been sent away. Before that, her mother disliked her out of pure spite. She had always been a slightly odd child, and not just because of the ways she expressed herself. It was her interests that set off red flags for Ursa Wren. 

"You don't have to tell me. I was the one who lived through it." She said bitterly, glaring at him. Thrawn laughed.

"Your mother did not know how to deal with your emotions when you were a child, and her distance made you rather independent. When you were older, and began expressing your feelings more, she made you feel oversensitive and was altogether uncomfortable with your emotions. This rubbed off on you, and the entire basis for your rebellious personality and relationship with Ketsu Onyo is the gaslighting she committed." Thrawn looked her in the eyes. 

"You could have been a wonderful imperial, had you listened to your mother. Instead, you created a false persona based upon your own insecurities that you use as an excuse to stay emotionally attached to everyone you meet." 

Sabine swallowed hard, a sick feeling mounting in her stomach. He was lying, oh force, he was lying. Her mother being abusive wasn't.. Well, it was part of it, but it wasn't nearly to the extent that he was saying, she tried to rationalize to herself. 

"Your mother, though she pretends she doesn't, almost certainly despises you for a multitude of reasons. Your emotional tendencies, for one. The relationship you have with Ketsu Onyo and the feelings that made you obtain it. The fact that you are what she thinks is an improper heir. She doesn't like your new friends, either." He continued.

"It's clear that you latched onto them because of her abuse, and they secretly believe you're a burden because of your inability to handle emotion. The closeness you've obtained with Hera Syndulla is because you never had a proper mother figure, and you were desperate for emotional support after you were betrayed. You're a liability to your little group, and I'd like to offer you a way out." Thrawn stated, looking her in the eyes. She swallowed hard, terse building in her eyes.

She vowed she wouldn't tell him he was lying. Then he would talk more. 

If what he said was true, all of her worst fears had just come true in an instant. She'd always felt like a burden, like they could leave her any minute. Sabine knew that was partially her fear, but the way she handled emotions was no small thing. The way she handled everything. After Ketsu, she'd put up walls, but now they were getting broken down again. She loved the crew, Kriff, they were her family, but everything that happened had hurt so much. 

She would never leave, of course. But.. Maybe she was all of the terrible things her mother said she was. A disgrace, a liar. 

Sabine almost knew she had to be. Maybe.. Maybe some of it was a facade. But she had to have that. 

Her self hatred came from many places, but she knew it was likely her mother's fault. Sabine had struggled with herself for years because of it, and now Thrawn was telling her why.

"If you agree to leave your rebellion, you can live a normal life. Never see your mother again. You've always wanted to be an artist, haven't you?" Thrawn said, seemingly innocently. 

"What's the other option?" She asked, her head hanging as she closed her eyes. Somehow, she knew exactly what his response would be before he even said it. Thrawn tilted her chin up to meet his eyes with a freezing, gloved hand. 

"You die." He purred matter-of-factly. Her heart sank, but suddenly she was filled with rage. Either way, he was trying to get her to give up. She pretended to look defeated.

"Well..." She mumbled, then pulled herself up onto the chain, kicking him straight under the chin. She tried to grab her darksaber, but found, sure enough, she couldn't reach it. In a haze, Thrawn grabbed it and threw it to the ground. 

She tried to reach it, then tried to irrationally reach out with her mind. Warm tendrils of  _something_ worked their way into her head and her saber flew into her hand. She reached up carefully and cut the chains holding her in the air, then sliced through the manacles on her wrists. They fell to the ground with a clatter.

Thrawn tried to punch her but she ducked, pure rage fueling her at this point. He turned around and pinned her against the wall, smirked as his hands went for her neck, but she kicked him hard and hit him in the face with the handle of her darksaber. She could hear a crunching sound and blood sprayed from his nose, thicker and darker than that of a human. He shoved her hard, and her ankle twisted as she went down. Somehow it barely hurt, but she was dizzy. He grabbed her by the throat.

Barely able to breathe, she reached out with the force, a cold, dark presence slipping into her mind, and squeezed. Thrawn let go of her suddenly, choking and gasping. There was blood on her hands. 

"You can  _never_ take my family away from me." She hissed, and shoved him into the wall. Sabine ignited her darksaber with a flourish and dug her real fingers into his neck, choking him still. He tried to say something, but before he could make any words come out, she thrust the blade into the spot right underneath his sternum. 

He choked, and she dropped him like she'd been burned. Blood dripped from his lips as he gasped for air that wouldn't come, clutching his throat. 

Sabine couldn't look at him as he died, but she heard his last words. 

"Now _you_ are the monster." Thrawn mustered.

She waited until she was sure he was dead to break down, sobbing so hard and loudly it practically sounded like she was screaming. Sabine had failed everyone. Thrawn was dead, but oh force, she'd killed him, he was dead, his lifeless eyes were staring at her back. 

She was shaking so hard she was practically vibrating, and she felt dizzy, so dizzy. Her stomach heaved at the stench of blood in the air and she swallowed hard.

What had she done? Thrawn was dead, yes, but at what cost? He was a terrifying, disgusting person who had manipulated her in ways similar to her mother. The admiral had died in a terrible, painful way, and she chose that on purpose. He deserved to suffer as she did.

Or did he?

The force reached out to her again, buzzing in the air like electricity, cold at the tips of her fingers.  _You could do more things like this. Right more wrongs,_ it said. It made her feel sick to her stomach in a way she couldn't describe, like something poisonous was living deep inside of her, slowly leaching her life force.

"Stop, Kriff,  _stop!_ " She whimpered, rubbing her eyes. Tears tracked down her hands and dripped off onto the floor. Sabine turned away from the darkness in her mind, trying to make a little bubble of light or anything that could ward it off. He was dead, and she was going to live with that for the rest of her probably short life. Sabjne had killed him so violently, oh force, what were Kanan and Hera going to think? Zeb? 

Ezra, in truth, would likely understand why she did it; he rarely pretended to have any moral high ground. Thinking about her family's reactions made her cry harder. She wanted Ketsu. She wanted to sleep. She wanted to, honestly, throw up. Ok, that was less of a want and more of a likelihood. Everything hurt, and her wrists were raw from where the shackles had chafed against them. Her mind felt cold and violated as she sat there and sobbed.

Sabine, with shaking hands, tampered with her comms until they flickered to life. she entered Kanan's ID and waited. 

"Sabine? Thank the force, kid, where are you? Are you ok?" Kanan's panicked voice was too loud over the comms. 

"I-I don't know." She sobbed, tears choking her voice. "I-Thrawn-" Suddenly Hera's voice rang out through the quiet. 

"Sabine, we're tracing your signal, it's going to be fine, ok? You need to breathe." 

She cried harder, trying to stand and go to the door. "We'll be there in about an hour, kiddo, try to be ready. Ok?" Sabine mumbled an incoherent response, and made the mistake of turning to look behind her. The sight of the blood, of Thrawn's dead eyes, was easily enough to shake her to the core.

Screaming through the force, almost like a distress beacon, she blacked out.

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be longer, but I seem to be incapable of writing longfic. I will one day, guys, I promise. I'm sorry.
> 
> Please let me know what you thought of this!  
> xoxo, 
> 
> kc


End file.
